I didn't run away... just life got boring.

Hey all,
I'm still here. I didn't not forget. Life just got boring. Well it really was just life. You know waking up, going to work, coming home, cleaning house, making dinner and then going back to bed. The boring mundane things.However, things have changed for the Payne Family. (My side) With 2 new babies on the way from my sisters. Miss Addy turning one and Carder's birth.

I know I said that health was my goal back in September. It has been my focus for the last 6 months. I've made some changes and have seen some positive results. I am feeling better as a whole. Life is good.

In February, we made a decision and traded in our little Yaris for a larger vehicle. We became the new owners of a 2008 RAV 4. This baby has all the bells and whistles and now I can actually put car seats and travel to dog shows with more than two dogs and all the show gear. Love my new baby! Her name is Miss Sleek and she's got a lot of power! BIG change from the tiny hatchback.

Well earlier this week I was doing my normal internet browsing (yes, I might have an issue, lol) I stumbled upon this video. Talk about an amazing video. I can't believe the details and how much "they got right". I could so understand and remember the times before my Mom married my Dad. I remember the horror of her first marriage. I still remember small snip bits of the court dates and hearings and exams I had to endure. By the end of this video I had tears streaming down my face. So I showed the video to Ryan. He didn't say much. The video was sooo well done and that little girl deserves an Emmy or Golden Globe, or some type of Award. She was amazing!

Well then last night, Ryan just about knocked me over, when he said that he wants to Foster to Adopt (F2A). He is open to a max of 2 siblings and ages 0-4. Anyone who could have seen my face would have thought I was having a stroke to aneurysm or something. I was so shocked. When we had talked about this previously, Ryan hadn't wanted to go this route after the taking the classes with a F2A agency. He didn't like their "pretentious" attitudes. He felt that they were looking down on us. This was like 5 years ago. So maybe things have changed some. Maybe not.

I'm just shocked that HE made a decision. We aren't going to start anything until fall/winter. We have a lot to do around the house first. I need to get my organizational bottom in gear and get the house in order.

Healthy is my goal!!!!

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. There really hasn't been much to post recently. Life has been busy, I'm back at work and the first part or school is busy enough to make anyone crazy. Right about the time school started, Ryan decided for us to join a gym. We are finally in a place where we can afford it =)

I will say that I am so very proud of my hubby! He's been going 5-6 days a week and he is working so very very hard. I myself am going 5-6 days a week and I am mostly doing cardio (per the trainer there) and I haven't seem much of a difference. I do feel better. It's been a great way for me to vent my frustrations and stress from work. Our goal is to be fit and healthy. We will see where this all ends for us.

Domestic Adoption Agency- Info Seminar

Ryan and I attended an informational seminar on Saturday. This was a seminar on Open Adoption through a big agency. I had done lots of research online and they seem to have very good repertoire. The facilitator was wonderful. She kept it all upbeat but realistic. There were about 12 couples there of various ages and orientations present. Ryan and I happened to be one of the youngest. The seminar was very informative and it really gave you an idea of the entire process beginning to end and realistic time frame.

Ryan really likes the idea of Open Adoption, after it was explained fully.  It really is a good process for all involved, but especially the child. The Birth Mother contacts the agency and is sent a bundle of Adoptive Parent profiles that fit her preferences. She then gets to chose the Adoptive Parents. A meeting is set up between the two parties, where they get to spend time together getting to know one another. Should both parties agree, they are then considered matched and then proceed on with the adoption plan. At anytime the Birth Mother could changer her mind and decide to parent, but the chances of that happen are about 7% on average.

The agency seems to really care about both sides, they offer unlimited support for all involved. Should a match fall through, no money is lost with the agency. The Birth Mother expenses, travel fees and any other fees paid to any other entity are lost, but most are at least tax deductible. No matter what life is a gamble, there are no guarantees. So pray for us. Pray for guidance, knowledge and open hearts and eyes.

Dy

The Talk....

So Ryan and I had the "talk" the other night. Ryan had surprised me with a night out to Olive Garden for dinner. Which while it broke my normal diet routine....it was worth it! YUMMY.

Ryan and I talked about how we see our future. We both want children and are both wanting children now. We have agreed to continue to try for a natural child, but we are going to go forward with adoption also. We both feel that God wants us to adopt. The average time for a referral is on average 3 years, give or take a few months. We will be attending an informational session on Domestic Adoption. Not sure what route we will be taking.

Before our night out, I had been spending hours collecting information on domestic and international adoption. I was checking agencies, states, countries; pretty much anything I could find. I was reading blogs and forums and even yahoo groups to gain info to bring to Ryan.

With everything that I have found, the cost is the biggest obstacle we face. Domestic adoption ranges from $15,000-$50,000. International is pretty much in the same range, $20,000- $50,000. Domestic costs vary from state to state and from agency to agency, but the average seems to be hovering around $25,000. International adoption costs mostly seem to vary by Country. The average being about $35,000.

While this seems to be an astronomical amount (about the cost of a new car), we have the faith that God will provide. He won't give us anything that we cannot handle. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a great example. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He make your paths smooth.

There are so many example of God's promises to us. He commands that we care for the fatherless and help the widows. So Ryan and I are taking our step of faith and following God's call to us. THE CALL TO LOVE.
Even if we can only make the difference in one child's life... that is one more heart to be saved for eternity.

While we are not fully sure if we are doing Domestic or International, we won't be announcing the country we have chosen if we go through international, but I will leave you with a fact or two and a picture.

1) This is an Eastern European Country

2) This country is Europe's 14th Largest Country

I'm in the planning stage. Narrowed it down to 3 International agencies and 2 home study agencies and 1 domestic agency that does it all. I've a list of great fundraising ideas. Including one for t-shirts and hoodies! I have even designed a few custom designs for them =)

While Ryan and I have a few steps to take before we can officially sign with an agency... the hope and plan is in motion. Prayers are very much welcomed!

The Call to Love

Ryan and I had decided to try one last time for a natural born child. So far my body isn't fully cooperating (no surprise there).I'm all about having a family. I would love to be able to carry my own child.... but for the past several months I keep coming back to adoption. I feel this yearning on my heart, a Call you could say, to adopt. Every time I think about Domestic or International adoption.... I keep being pulled to International, specifically. God doesn't put anything on our hearts without a reason.

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." Matthew 18:5

Please pray for us. I am not sure why I feel the way I do, but I know its in my heart. It is not an easy or cheap route to adding to our family. I think most International adoptions cost around $33,000. Parents are required to make 2 trips to the country. Each stay is about 7 days with 3-5 months in between meeting the child and then bringing the child home.

My heart breaks for each and every orphan. Some will never know the love of a family or the love from their Heavenly Father. As believers we are to be the "defenders of the fatherless", God has adopted us into his family. I feel that Ryan and I are called to do the same.

"Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless,Plead for the widow." Isaiah 1: 17


So please pray for us! 

There is hope! Plus a weekend of FUN

For the last 6 years I have been battling and on going case of secondary amenorrhea (lack of menstruation). I would go months with out having any cycle and then spot for a few days and then nothing for months. Well I am proud to say that last month (March) I had a full cycle!!!!

That's right my body actually WORKED!!!!!! There is hope! It was totally normal and I am so happy! I cried!

So this last weekend Ryan and I went to Disneyland with several members of his family. It was a great time. I am a huge Disneyland fanatic. I keep telling Ryan we need season passes. I could seriously go there everyday and be the happiest person ever. Yes, I know that is a bit abnormal....but then again, so am I.
Needless to say we are all a huge bunch of kids. As you can see from the picture at left. Charlie (Ryan's dad) is in the far back, Rebecca (Ryan's cousin) is next, then the love of my life Ryan, Next is Mat and Melissa and lastly in front is me. Yes, I made it though completely dry til the very last minute. After the drop a HUGE wave came and just covered me from head to toe. That didn't stop us for even a second. Ryan's Mom Robin and his Aunt Margaret didn't ride and were at the bottom getting something warm to drink.

Being in Disneyland and seeing all the little boys go crazy for Lightening McQueen and all the little girls dressed as princesses, really made my babyitis kick in full. Just watching all the kinds in lines and walking around, really makes me so happy when I can share my joy of Disneyland with them. Ryan feels the same way. We both just adore Disneyland. We are hoping to back this fall. I love seeing the all the holiday decor.

So after this weekend Ryan and I had a talk. I just want a baby...He, however, while not fully against adoption doesn't think that we will ever be able to afford it. I just feel that if we don't try, then we will never know. So as a compromise, I am starting another all natural fertility regimen and Ryan is going to do more research on adoption.... there has to be a happy medium =)

<3 Dy

Getting Nervous

Okay, so I think that we have finally decided on the agency. We set the date for our first Informational Meeting with this agency...GASP!!!!!!!!!!!! The date is April 6th and its down in LA. So pray, pray pray!

What are we doing????

Well, I will say that we are jumping in with both feet! We have nothing ready... and I  mean nothing,  but here is where our faith will be put to the test! God here we are and we are trusting fully in you. There is nothing you cannot do for us!!!!

So here I start making a list of fundraisers, ways to save, loans that we can look into for this. This agency seems to average about $22,000 for the same state adoptions. So we have a total goal, but for now... we are going to start small.

So until later, we this all hits and I start raving like a loon, here are some sweet feet!