I didn't run away... just life got boring.

Hey all,
I'm still here. I didn't not forget. Life just got boring. Well it really was just life. You know waking up, going to work, coming home, cleaning house, making dinner and then going back to bed. The boring mundane things.However, things have changed for the Payne Family. (My side) With 2 new babies on the way from my sisters. Miss Addy turning one and Carder's birth.

I know I said that health was my goal back in September. It has been my focus for the last 6 months. I've made some changes and have seen some positive results. I am feeling better as a whole. Life is good.

In February, we made a decision and traded in our little Yaris for a larger vehicle. We became the new owners of a 2008 RAV 4. This baby has all the bells and whistles and now I can actually put car seats and travel to dog shows with more than two dogs and all the show gear. Love my new baby! Her name is Miss Sleek and she's got a lot of power! BIG change from the tiny hatchback.

Well earlier this week I was doing my normal internet browsing (yes, I might have an issue, lol) I stumbled upon this video. Talk about an amazing video. I can't believe the details and how much "they got right". I could so understand and remember the times before my Mom married my Dad. I remember the horror of her first marriage. I still remember small snip bits of the court dates and hearings and exams I had to endure. By the end of this video I had tears streaming down my face. So I showed the video to Ryan. He didn't say much. The video was sooo well done and that little girl deserves an Emmy or Golden Globe, or some type of Award. She was amazing!

Well then last night, Ryan just about knocked me over, when he said that he wants to Foster to Adopt (F2A). He is open to a max of 2 siblings and ages 0-4. Anyone who could have seen my face would have thought I was having a stroke to aneurysm or something. I was so shocked. When we had talked about this previously, Ryan hadn't wanted to go this route after the taking the classes with a F2A agency. He didn't like their "pretentious" attitudes. He felt that they were looking down on us. This was like 5 years ago. So maybe things have changed some. Maybe not.

I'm just shocked that HE made a decision. We aren't going to start anything until fall/winter. We have a lot to do around the house first. I need to get my organizational bottom in gear and get the house in order.

Healthy is my goal!!!!

I know it's been a while since I've posted anything. There really hasn't been much to post recently. Life has been busy, I'm back at work and the first part or school is busy enough to make anyone crazy. Right about the time school started, Ryan decided for us to join a gym. We are finally in a place where we can afford it =)

I will say that I am so very proud of my hubby! He's been going 5-6 days a week and he is working so very very hard. I myself am going 5-6 days a week and I am mostly doing cardio (per the trainer there) and I haven't seem much of a difference. I do feel better. It's been a great way for me to vent my frustrations and stress from work. Our goal is to be fit and healthy. We will see where this all ends for us.

Domestic Adoption Agency- Info Seminar

Ryan and I attended an informational seminar on Saturday. This was a seminar on Open Adoption through a big agency. I had done lots of research online and they seem to have very good repertoire. The facilitator was wonderful. She kept it all upbeat but realistic. There were about 12 couples there of various ages and orientations present. Ryan and I happened to be one of the youngest. The seminar was very informative and it really gave you an idea of the entire process beginning to end and realistic time frame.

Ryan really likes the idea of Open Adoption, after it was explained fully.  It really is a good process for all involved, but especially the child. The Birth Mother contacts the agency and is sent a bundle of Adoptive Parent profiles that fit her preferences. She then gets to chose the Adoptive Parents. A meeting is set up between the two parties, where they get to spend time together getting to know one another. Should both parties agree, they are then considered matched and then proceed on with the adoption plan. At anytime the Birth Mother could changer her mind and decide to parent, but the chances of that happen are about 7% on average.

The agency seems to really care about both sides, they offer unlimited support for all involved. Should a match fall through, no money is lost with the agency. The Birth Mother expenses, travel fees and any other fees paid to any other entity are lost, but most are at least tax deductible. No matter what life is a gamble, there are no guarantees. So pray for us. Pray for guidance, knowledge and open hearts and eyes.

Dy

The Talk....

So Ryan and I had the "talk" the other night. Ryan had surprised me with a night out to Olive Garden for dinner. Which while it broke my normal diet routine....it was worth it! YUMMY.

Ryan and I talked about how we see our future. We both want children and are both wanting children now. We have agreed to continue to try for a natural child, but we are going to go forward with adoption also. We both feel that God wants us to adopt. The average time for a referral is on average 3 years, give or take a few months. We will be attending an informational session on Domestic Adoption. Not sure what route we will be taking.

Before our night out, I had been spending hours collecting information on domestic and international adoption. I was checking agencies, states, countries; pretty much anything I could find. I was reading blogs and forums and even yahoo groups to gain info to bring to Ryan.

With everything that I have found, the cost is the biggest obstacle we face. Domestic adoption ranges from $15,000-$50,000. International is pretty much in the same range, $20,000- $50,000. Domestic costs vary from state to state and from agency to agency, but the average seems to be hovering around $25,000. International adoption costs mostly seem to vary by Country. The average being about $35,000.

While this seems to be an astronomical amount (about the cost of a new car), we have the faith that God will provide. He won't give us anything that we cannot handle. Proverbs 3:5-6 is a great example. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,

And lean not on your own understanding;

6 

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He make your paths smooth.

There are so many example of God's promises to us. He commands that we care for the fatherless and help the widows. So Ryan and I are taking our step of faith and following God's call to us. THE CALL TO LOVE.
Even if we can only make the difference in one child's life... that is one more heart to be saved for eternity.

While we are not fully sure if we are doing Domestic or International, we won't be announcing the country we have chosen if we go through international, but I will leave you with a fact or two and a picture.

1) This is an Eastern European Country

2) This country is Europe's 14th Largest Country

I'm in the planning stage. Narrowed it down to 3 International agencies and 2 home study agencies and 1 domestic agency that does it all. I've a list of great fundraising ideas. Including one for t-shirts and hoodies! I have even designed a few custom designs for them =)

While Ryan and I have a few steps to take before we can officially sign with an agency... the hope and plan is in motion. Prayers are very much welcomed!

The Call to Love

Ryan and I had decided to try one last time for a natural born child. So far my body isn't fully cooperating (no surprise there).I'm all about having a family. I would love to be able to carry my own child.... but for the past several months I keep coming back to adoption. I feel this yearning on my heart, a Call you could say, to adopt. Every time I think about Domestic or International adoption.... I keep being pulled to International, specifically. God doesn't put anything on our hearts without a reason.

"Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me." Matthew 18:5

Please pray for us. I am not sure why I feel the way I do, but I know its in my heart. It is not an easy or cheap route to adding to our family. I think most International adoptions cost around $33,000. Parents are required to make 2 trips to the country. Each stay is about 7 days with 3-5 months in between meeting the child and then bringing the child home.

My heart breaks for each and every orphan. Some will never know the love of a family or the love from their Heavenly Father. As believers we are to be the "defenders of the fatherless", God has adopted us into his family. I feel that Ryan and I are called to do the same.

"Learn to do good; Seek justice, Rebuke the oppressor; Defend the fatherless,Plead for the widow." Isaiah 1: 17


So please pray for us! 

There is hope! Plus a weekend of FUN

For the last 6 years I have been battling and on going case of secondary amenorrhea (lack of menstruation). I would go months with out having any cycle and then spot for a few days and then nothing for months. Well I am proud to say that last month (March) I had a full cycle!!!!

That's right my body actually WORKED!!!!!! There is hope! It was totally normal and I am so happy! I cried!

So this last weekend Ryan and I went to Disneyland with several members of his family. It was a great time. I am a huge Disneyland fanatic. I keep telling Ryan we need season passes. I could seriously go there everyday and be the happiest person ever. Yes, I know that is a bit abnormal....but then again, so am I.
Needless to say we are all a huge bunch of kids. As you can see from the picture at left. Charlie (Ryan's dad) is in the far back, Rebecca (Ryan's cousin) is next, then the love of my life Ryan, Next is Mat and Melissa and lastly in front is me. Yes, I made it though completely dry til the very last minute. After the drop a HUGE wave came and just covered me from head to toe. That didn't stop us for even a second. Ryan's Mom Robin and his Aunt Margaret didn't ride and were at the bottom getting something warm to drink.

Being in Disneyland and seeing all the little boys go crazy for Lightening McQueen and all the little girls dressed as princesses, really made my babyitis kick in full. Just watching all the kinds in lines and walking around, really makes me so happy when I can share my joy of Disneyland with them. Ryan feels the same way. We both just adore Disneyland. We are hoping to back this fall. I love seeing the all the holiday decor.

So after this weekend Ryan and I had a talk. I just want a baby...He, however, while not fully against adoption doesn't think that we will ever be able to afford it. I just feel that if we don't try, then we will never know. So as a compromise, I am starting another all natural fertility regimen and Ryan is going to do more research on adoption.... there has to be a happy medium =)

<3 Dy

Getting Nervous

Okay, so I think that we have finally decided on the agency. We set the date for our first Informational Meeting with this agency...GASP!!!!!!!!!!!! The date is April 6th and its down in LA. So pray, pray pray!

What are we doing????

Well, I will say that we are jumping in with both feet! We have nothing ready... and I  mean nothing,  but here is where our faith will be put to the test! God here we are and we are trusting fully in you. There is nothing you cannot do for us!!!!

So here I start making a list of fundraisers, ways to save, loans that we can look into for this. This agency seems to average about $22,000 for the same state adoptions. So we have a total goal, but for now... we are going to start small.

So until later, we this all hits and I start raving like a loon, here are some sweet feet!

Holidays approaching

Wow... life is continuously changing. Ryan got his new job and is totally enjoying the new position. I am still loving my job. We almost moved, but in the end God  showed us that the house wasn't for us. We still haven't chosen an agency, but we are for sure going to start the Home Study process late summer/ early fall of 2013. Ryan doesn't want to even get his hopes up and is totally worried about the cost and the money aspect of the whole process. For those of you that know Ryan, you know what a HUGE change that it for him. He used to NEVER  worry about money. God has definitely changed his heart there; but as I asked him: Where's your faith? If this is what God truely wants for us then, he will get us through this. Yes the money is a very important role, but Our Faith in God and his Love for us is the most important part.

So as part of the, "I'm being a grown-up about all of this". We are asking for friends and family, to donate to our Adoption Fund in lieu of Christmas and Birthday Gifts. You gotta start somewhere!

So Hugs and Kisses to all and have a Happy Thanksgiving next week.

Dy

Back to Normal??

Being back to work has made life a bit crazy ;-) I am excited to get past the first month of school. Teachers come back tomorrow and Students the following Monday. Once we get passed Labor day, the frantic atmosphere should calm down. Poor Ryan hasn't been home before 6pm most nights. I guess this is the price for having a big boy job! He seems to enjoy it thus far and will be happy once they hire his replacement for his old position.

As for the baby journey, we have been so busy and have had NO time to really do anything else. We are just in a stuck place til school calms down. We are doing this all in God's time. I have a feeling that this journey is going to take every ounce of faith we possess.

Ryan and I went to a friend's house for dinner and a movie. They have the sweetest kids. The youngest just adores Ryan. As soon as we arrived Cazzie was all over Ryan. This little girl is a spitfire! After dinner, she climbed up on the couch between Ryan and myself and went to sleep on Ryan. About partway through the movie, Ryan picked her up and held her while she slept. It was very sweet! Ryan will make a great father....when ever God decides the time is right for us!

Have a great week!

Still in research mode?

Yup, that is where I am. Still in research mode. Looking up agencies, finding reviews, and other helpful information. So I have found a few agencies out there that seem to have good rapports. However, like everything else; quality goes hand in hand with cost. The better the quality service and response the more it costs. The one agency that I am really liking cost almost $10,000 more than the others. This agency is nation wide and seems to have a very small wait time compared to others.

Here is a great site with a list of questions to ask any agency you are considering. You can find it on the great site Adoptive Families here. Of course we are still so very far away from actually even thinking about doing anything with the information I am gathering but I feel it is best to be prepared and forewarned.

As to the home front....I started back to work this week. I have tons to do before school actually starts. I am glad to be back....but I feel that I never actually accomplished anything this break. I keep telling myself that I still have time to get things accomplished and get this disaster of a house organized, but then with Ryan having the new position and working til all hours of the night at the office.

I keep forgetting that everything is in God's timing and that we can't do this without Him. If I trust in Him and have Faith, we can accomplish anything!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

We have a page on Facebook!

That's right! I made a page on Facebook too! Am I crazy? YUP!

You can visit and like our page here. I am hoping that when we are ready this may be another way to network and get our profile seen.

I think I found my favorite bedding for a girl! Talk about perfect! I love HOUZZ.com (Thanks Mom!) They have all sorts of cool decor ideas for nurseries and such. Something for every room in the house.

Now I have to find something for a boy =)
Here are links to several rooms I like for a boy...most are pretty gender neutral though =)

• http://www.houzz.com/projects/53716/Aqua-Dandelion
• http://www.houzz.com/projects/53719/Blue-and-Green-Giddy-Dot
• http://www.houzz.com/projects/56461/Spa-Pom-Pon-Play
• http://www.houzz.com/projects/48946/Taupe-Suzani
• http://www.houzz.com/projects/53722/Windy-Day
• http://www.houzz.com/projects/59056/Black-and-White-Dots-and-Stripes    (Just add color)
• http://www.houzz.com/projects/52003/Gray-Geometric-Nursery

Anyone see a theme? Am I way ahead of myself? YUP

It's crazy all the gadgets and doo-dads, they have for babies now. Tons of options. Its a lot of stuff out there and wow! Again found all of this in research mode thanks to several blogs I've been reading. Again we won't be with an agency until next year at the earliest, but seriously who doesn't love looking baby items? A-freaking-DORABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,
~Dy

Research Mode

Okay, so I am 100% in research mode. Talk about scary. I have found out all kinds of scary information and some good information too. Its all very overwhelming. Even with all this research we are just not exactly sure where to start.

A scary part, I my opinion, is finding an agency. I have heard horror stories about agencies just taking peoples money and never offering a service, missing steps or over-looking the Birth Father and having the adoption revoked and all other sorts of issues. However, I have found a few blogs that are by other Adoptive Moms and their experiences. My favorite blog so far seems to be Adoptive Momma of Three. You can see her blog here. She is a fount of knowledge and truly has a heart for all involved in Adoption.

The another scary part is the wait and the chance that the Birth Parents will change their minds. Truly the scariest parts are the "What If's". My head knows we shouldn't worry or dwell to much on what may or may not happen,  but my heart is the one that feels threatened with the unknown.

Ryan and I feel that we don't want to move too quickly and rush into anything we can't handle. Our goal is to be rid of the car payment and the two other bills we have before really starting. We are hoping to be debt free and have our home study completed by next Fall. At that time, we hope that we have selected an agency and have started or we are at least applying by that time. With Ryan's new job, it shouldn't be an issue.

So for all 3 of you who are reading this blog, please keep us in prayer! Please feel free to share our blog.

Hugs,
Dy

Decisions loom in the not too distant future....

Okay, so I'm not sure how to describe today. I did go pick up the application packet for the foster-to-adopt at the new agency we are looking at. The lady was very nice and had me do a quick informal questionnaire. Everything was going great until she asked about pets. "Do we have pets?" I of course said yes and explained how involved we are with our fur-kids. She seemed bummed and said that she would have to talk to the main Director to see if our dogs were going to be a "set-back". So judging from the reaction I got. I am assuming that we will be a "No Go". Which is very sad, but at the same time, we still have others doors to pursue. 

So when I got home, Ryan and I had a talk. He is so very supportive and let me know that, while he is okay with adoption...he'd really rather not go through the foster care system. He's just heard too many horror stories and doesn't want to be heart broken. I did try to explain to him that no matter what path we follow....there is always heartbreak. So he really, really wants a natural child and it breaks my hear that I cannot provide that. So as I sit here, I am looking at the packet and thinking: "Why do I even try?" Then I think, there is a reason God has placed this "need/feeling" on my heart and that no matter what road we choose, as long as we follow and trust in HIM then everything will turn out fine.

So now I am researching everything I can on domestic and international adoption. Talk about EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!! I am thinking of fundraisers and other ways we can raise money for which ever type we choose (domestic or international) According to several sites Domestic Adoption runs $8,000- $30,000 respectively and International Adoptions runs $10,000 - $40,000. While that is a lot of money to us and millions of others, it really doesn't matter in the long scheme of it all. Yes it may take us longer to accomplish this, but if this is what God wants for us, then nothing can stop us! Because in the end....all that matters is God's unconditional love that we can show to whomever, He places with us and the love that we can give to the child.

Exciting News!

I am proud to announce that Ryan interviewed and was promoted to Greenfield Unified School Districts Network and Database Manager. =) This may seem like a small step, but this has opened the door for us to really be able to start the Foster-Adopt process through Pathway Family Services. I am going on Monday to pick up all the necessary paperwork to get this started.

I am so very excited. We had friends over last night for dinner and their youngest is about 4 years. She was totally into Ryan. She is the first child under the age of 6 that has not looked at Ryan and burst into tears. Let me tell you Ryan ATE up all the attention. He really did great with her. She was quite crabby, since she had missed her nap. Ryan just doted upon her. He pulled the Winnie Pooh and Eeyore that we have purchased as decor for the gender neutral room and took her into the guest bedroom to lay down for a nap. She came back of course and sat with Ryan holding Eeyore. She almost fell asleep. You could see that Ryan was just as happy as a clam with all this attention. He really does love kids and I think he's going to make a wonderful father!

So keep us in prayer! This is going to be a crazy ride...but I think in the end 100% worth it!


Dy

Life Gets Away from Us

Okay, I am so very sorry about the over 6 months of no posts, but there really hasn't been anything to write about. The acupuncture...a no go. It helped a bit, but didn't get anything going. God has a plan and a reason for everything that happens. So I am guessing that right now, a natural child is not the right path for now.

Are we going to give up?
Absolutely NOT! We actually met a wonderful gentleman that works for a private Christian Foster Care Service. He gave us new hope in the possibility of being able to Foster-Adopt.

We had a bad experience with the past agency we dealt with. They made us feel like we were not worthy or good enough. So fingers crossed and prayers are being sent up. We only want God's Will in this situation and this seems like the past we are to take.

Thanks,
Dyellen & Ryan

Bood Work Part 2 : Another late post with some exciting information. . .

Okay, so I went on on Monday to see Dr.R and we went over some more of my test results. . . they pretty much said the same thing as as last time. . . My body just hates me, lol. So this time she took me into the treatment room and had me lay on my back this time with my legs elevated. She then places about 30 needles in various places. My hands, arms, lower abdomen, legs and toes. She even used the electro-stim on a few needles on the lower part of my abdomen. I still have no period! =( Dr. R did put me on some Chinsese Herbs. They are called Wen Jing Wan. They are supposed to help me and my menstruation issues. I have to take 15 of these little black (fish egg looking) pills between meals with a warm drink, twice a day. So far I seem to remember to take them. . .

Another bit of news for us. . . Some friends of ours just lost a cousin in a automobile accident. The cousin left behind a two year son and his young wife. Needless to say the little boy had been in picked up by CPS and placed in Foster Care prior to all of this and had pretty much just been placed back with the his parents right before the accident. In this terrible time, our friends family has asked Ryan and myself if we were interested in adopting this little guy, should they be able to gain custody. Just please pray with all your might for God's Will in this situation. Ryan and I are very open to this arrangement, but with the circumstances and everything being unknown and the fact that this baby is in another state, we know that this would be very expensive and costly to all involved. So please pray for us in all of this.
As Ryan said last night. . ."He needs a young mind to mold!". . .what a scary thought!

I seen Dr. R next Monday. . .here's hoping for a period!

Dy

Blood work results part 1

Hi all,

Sorry I have been remiss in adding posts, but there was nothing to report last week. However, my appointment that was on Tuesday was very interesting! So I did get part of my results back and things are not good. My body is completely upside down. My metabolism is practically non-existant, my body cannot detox itself, my body and amino acids are completely either non-existent or way too high AND all my fatigue markers are off the chart. Dr. R also ran a food sensitivity test. I am severely sensitive to grape, sunflowers, tilapia and other items. . .my okay food list is almost non-existant. . .I have a handful of fruits I can eat, a good bit of veggies, but half of them I will either never eat or that I have never even heard of. For meats, I can eat pork, turkey and buffalo (yeah, we can just get buffalo any where in Bakersfield for cheap)

I still have some test results that are still pending. . .so we shall see what the final results are and what my future menu holds, lol. I will update again on Monday!

Dy

A little background. . .

Over the past few years Ryan and I have been asked NUMEROUS times about when we are going to start having children. We have always said "Later", but that was far from the truth. I know there are some of you, reading this blog, whom have not been privy to some important information and are wondering what the heck I am doing.Why am I doing such strange things to my body?

The truth is this: I have severe hormonal issues. (I can hear you snickering David!) These issues have cause me to not have a normal cycle in over 6 years without chemical help. This has caused my horrific amount of weight gain and my terrible hair and skin condition. It is because of the issues that the Dr's have told me on numerous occasions that I will "Never" have children of my own. That is really disheartening to hear when you are only 24 years old. My philosophy is "Never say Never, cause God will make you look like a fool" =)

Here is how I got where I am now. My Mom, Ruby Payne, has a friend who was trying to have children. She and her husband had tried all sorts of different fertility treatments. They wanted a child so badly, they were referred to a fertility doctor here in Bakersfield, who then referred them to Dr R. Needless to say, after a few months of treatment with Acupuncture AND Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), they were able to conceive. Dr R continued to treat her through the first trimester with Acupuncture. The couple had a beautiful and healthy baby. This is just ONE of the MANY stories I have heard about Dr R.

So I pretty much figured "why not, what do I have to lose"? My answer "Nothing". (Yes, I have been known to, upon occasion, to talk and answer myself. Though I have not had a conversation yet, so I think I am safe)

That is the short story of how I ended up where I am today. God is Good!

Needles, needles and more needles. . .

So today I had to go in for some lab work. Dr. R. on Thursday said that the tests required a good amount of blood. She however forgot to mention that the tests required A LOT of blood!!!!!!!! The poor tech lady had the hardest time finding my vein. She tried the right arm and failed miserably. So then she finally hit the correct spot on the left arm and proceeded to take about 14 vials of blood!!!!!!! Wow that was a lot of blood. I was glad I ate a good size lunch.

Also, I actually got to see Dr. R today after the lab work. It was unexpected, but nice that I could get in right then. So Dr. R took me back to the treatment room. She asked me questions about how I felt after last weeks treatment. I told her I felt pretty darn good, no back pain at all; which was a very nice surprise for me =) She then asked if I had any cramps after the last treatment. I sadly had to tell her no I didn't. So she had me lay face down on the table like last week and placed the needles like she did before. This time however she added some of those little electric stimulation clamps to a few of the needles. This was to help stimulate the energy movement through the needles. Let me tell you with in a few minuets of those things being on, I started to feel cramps. Not normal or painful cramps, but just enough so I could tell they were there. I just about cried with joy. So I relaxed and listened to music while these needles and electricity did their magic!!!! After 30 mins or so Dr R came in and I told her about the cramps and she said that sometimes a little stimulation can help and to expect my period soon!

If that really does happen I will sing the "Hallelujah Chorus" to strangers! My expectations are low. . .I doubt I'll start, but you just never know. . . My next appt. is next Monday at 2:30pm!!! 

Today's Appointment

Today was my appointment with the Dr. R. As always the office is so very soothing and the staff is wonderful. I got there a few minutes early, which was a good thing as Dr. R was running ahead of time. I got called back pretty darn fast. Dr. R and I talked a bit about my symptoms, pains and normal every day occurrences. I go back on Monday, September 26th for blood work and a urinalysis. She is going to check my hormone levels (yay), check my thyroid and see if I have any deficiencies. We decided to focus on my amenorrhea first before jumping into pregnancy. After all of this, Dr. R took me back to a treatment room and had me lay on my stomach. She applied several needles to my lower back. This is supposed to stimulate my period. The idea is for me to go back once a week for treatments, along with supplements, herbal remedies and a change to my dietary habits. 

Plus a great bonus is, once I have my cycles normalized (or have one at all, lol) Ryan gets to come in for treatments too!!!!